Song of Myself (written 11/14/07)

I definitely think Whitman was on to something. Music and identity seem inextricably connected, something that I have found to be increasingly true over the past year or so. Just the right song at just the right moment and BAMB! Collision. Song and self swirl together and if you close your eyes just right, you can hear your soul swelling with musical movement as your very skin sings out in perfect harmony with the caucophony of your shoulders, knees, and toes. Hell yeah. You know what I mean to be sayin'.

Let me back up: I have always been a hummer. Music literally lives inside of me and most of the time I have no idea that it is leaking out in the form of a soft hummm. Half the time I don't even know what song I am humming, if it is even a song at all. Many people make the mistake of associating this humm with carefree gaeity or some other form of light-hearted expression. Not so. You people have simply been watching too many cartoons and corny prime-time citcoms.

But that's not really my point at all. My point is this: as of late, I feel like I have begun processing my life in terms of particular songs. I guess you could call it compiling my own personal soundtrack of life. I feel like Nick Hornby would be proud.

And so, in honor of High Fidelity and the prestigious act of list-making, another of my favorite past-times [see Favorite Movies of All Time list, below], I give you the compiled list of songs that would be on today's soundtrack:

WooHoo by 5,6,7,8s
I'll Fly Away by Gillian Welch & Allison Krauss
Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
Mary Jo by Belle & Sebastian
Take My Hand by Ben Harper
The Wind by Cat Stevens
Born to Be With You by Chatham County Line
Caring is Creepy by The Shins
When I Was in Love
with You by The Greencards
The Long Way Home by Norah Jones

Candace's Favorite Movies of All Time List (1-50)

Ladies and Gents, a drumroll please...
I present to you,
the new and improved
2nd edition...
Candace's Favorite Movies of all TIME, in order:

1. When Harry Met Sally
2. ONCE
3. Lost in Translation
4. Stardust
5. Waiting for Guffman
6. Moulin Rouge
7. The Princess Bride
8. Dirty Dancing
9. Love, Actually
10. Manhattan
11. Almost Famous
12. Imagine Me & You
13. Psycho
14. Best in Show
15. Garden State
16. The Saint
17. Spinal Tap
18. House of Flying Daggers
19. Legends of the Fall
20. Kill Bill (1 &2)
21. Closer
22. Tombstone
23. Knocked Up
24. The Family Stone
25. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
26. Shop Girl
27. Harry Potter V
28. Hiroshima, Mi Amor
29. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless
Mind
30. Bridges of Madison County
31. Sliding Doors
32. Casablanca
33. Pride and Prejudice
34. Annie Hall
35. Lord of the Rings (1,2,3)
36. My Fair Lady
37. Chocolat
38. The Lion King
39. Laughing Hyena
40. Two Wondrous Tigers
41. Little Miss Sunshine
42. The Last Dragon
43. Sabrina
44. Dreamers
45. James Bond: Casino Royale
46. Independence Day
47. The Devil Wears Prada
48. Trains, Planes, and Automobiles
49. What About Bob?
50. Kung Fu: The Movie


Honorable Mentions:
Sister Act II
Pistol Pete
Rookie of the Year
Titanic
You’ve Got Mail
Ever After
The Other Sister
Only You

Big sigh...

As I sauntered into class this morning, I was greated by a rather large giftbag overflowing with blue tissue paper, patiently sitting on my desk. In the bag I found an assortment of hallmark "congrats" cards, one from each of my classes and another from Mrs. C, my Co-op. Each class had signed the cards with individual little messages, wishing me luck, thanking me for helping them this semester, well-wishes, etc. It was ridiculously cute, I assure you. There was much heart-swelling on my part. As a gift, Mrs. C. had provided me with the basic essentials for any beginning teacher: dark chocolate, green tea (mugs included), and a coffee/tea maker. This was especially sentimental considering Mrs. C and I's routine over the past two months: start out the morning with a hot cup of tea, nibbles of dark chocolate providing sustanance throughout the day. (The difficulty level of a day could often be measured by how much chocolate was consumed: a single chocolater would be considered a downhill sleigh ride, while 4-5 pieces would be a clear sign of headaches, deep breaths, and inspirational monologues.)

So today was my last day in the classroom. I completed my observations, raided Mrs. C's file cabinet, cleaned off my desk and said goodbye to my kids via white-board (which I thought was rather apropos). I decided to take off at the beginning of fourth period, having nothing left to do but sit and reminisce. I was not prepared for the cacophony of protests that greeted me as I began to gather my things. I was profoundly touched and did my best not to linger, soaking in as much positive affirmation of these many months of hard work as possible.

The truth of the matter is, I am going to miss it. I'm going to miss the classroom and the day-to-day routines. Most of all, I will miss the kids. I will miss hearing them call me by my last name. I will even miss their whining and disruptive banter, times in which I often had to hold back my laughter and put on my "stern" face, if only for pretense. Still, by the end of the six weeks, I stopped holding back and laughed openly with them. This was a relief for both of us I think. They were a good group. Challenging, yes. Hard-headed, lazy, apathetic--good GOD! Still, there was a spark there. I saw it; they felt it. What more could I ask for?

And so I am finished. Done.
I completed the hardest semester of my academic life thus far and--most importantly--I did it all on my own. There was no one waiting for me at home to rub my feet or give me words of comfort or fix me dinner. For these things, and more, I looked to myself; I dug deep and found a strength I didn't even know was there.
For this inner strength and for the friends and family who gave me countless words of encouragement along the way, I will be eternally grateful.