So I have changed my blog format. It seems fitting. My life is so drastically different now; shouldn't font and color wheel reflect this shift? Darker, Polka-dot candace is out; sophisticated, free, GRADUATED and in LOVE Candace is way in! I like that.
so, my new year's resolution(s)
Resolution #1: Be present.
This is my number one goal for this coming year, especially these next few months.
As of late, my days have been very open and noncommital. In short, I haven't really been doing much. In the past, such blatant sloth-like behavior has been the source of great pain, usually in the form of restlessness, anxiety, fear, and worry, sometimes building into a state of depression, self-doubt, and a drastic decrease in self-worth. What a waste of energy! And for what? So that I can feel bad about myself? So that I can build up walls and limitations and somehow manage to convince myself that I am nothing? Self-fulfilling prophecies are a bitch, my friend, and not to be toyed with.
Well, no more. I'm done. Cuz you know what? It's ok to take a break. It's ok to not have everything figured out right NOW, in this very moment. It's ok to just let myself BE for a little while. Haven't I deserved it? Do I not have enough faith in myself and my own abilities to know that things will work themselves out and I will be fabulous? That I AM fabulous, right here, right now? Why worry about the future? Why allow my past to determine that future, to hold me back today? Now that's not saying I shouldn't have ambitions and goals and hopes and dreams; I just don't want to get bogged down and consumed by the fear of not attaining those dreams.
Eckhart Tolle says:
"All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry--all forms of fear-- are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." (50)
What a profound notion. Wow. I totally get that; I feel it. Props to Tolle.
So, the solution? Be present. Do what you can, when you can. The rest will take care of itself.
Resolution #2:
Write more.
Both of these resolutions are currently in progress...
and I'm lovin' that.
2 comments:
You are such an amazing writer. I am so excited about both your resolutions, partly for selfish reasons: I really like to read your writing and you look so cute when you are in the present. Question: do you think sadness, as according to Tolle, is due to too much past?
haha--thanks for the words of encouragement my dear! Cuteness is my specialty, after all! ;)
and yes, I think sadness is USUALLY a result of too much past. However, it is also possible to be consumed by sadness because of something that you think might happen in the future. Of course, this also kind of merges with worry and fear, which are also results of too much future.
what do you think?
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